New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
