We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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