Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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