I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
