I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
