Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
