This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
