How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
