I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
