I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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