The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
