you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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