she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
