Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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