Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
