He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
