I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
