Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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