i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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