i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
