Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
