about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The struggles of a small town man whore
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
