So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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