Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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