I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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