i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
