I have demons in me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
