Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So vagazzling was a success
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
