it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
