So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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