no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
