She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
