update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
