I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
