his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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