I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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