I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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