Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
