Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
