never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
