All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
