Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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