ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
