Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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