i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
zippers are such a cool invention
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
