Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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