So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
