I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
