you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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