Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
