For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
